Quick Summary
Grief is one of the hardest things a person goes through, and some people reach for alcohol or drugs to get through it. Research has linked bereavement with higher alcohol risk in some groups, and people who already have a substance use disorder can be more vulnerable to complicated grief. Most people move through grief over time without needing treatment, but grief that stays intense and stops a person from functioning can be treated. If you are grieving and using more, or you are in recovery and just lost someone, here is what to watch for and what helps.
Key Takeaways
- Some grieving people start drinking or using more to numb the pain, and people in recovery can find a loss shakes their footing.
- A national survey in Hungary found that men bereaved for two years were more likely to be at clinical risk for alcohol problems than men who were not bereaved.
- The National Cancer Institute says normal grief appears to occur in 50% to 85% of people after a loss, and that most people adjust with time.
- Prolonged or complicated grief is a recognized condition, and structured therapies for it have been tested in clinical trials.
- Telling your support people early, keeping a routine and getting care for depression or anxiety can help protect recovery during grief.
Loss changes everything at once. The death of a parent, partner, child or close friend can upend your routine, your sleep, your finances and your sense of who you are. Grief can also come from losses that are not deaths, like a divorce, a job ending or a move away from everyone you know.
In that kind of pain, alcohol or pills can seem like the only thing that takes the edge off. For someone with no history of substance problems, that can be the start of a pattern. For someone in recovery, a major loss can be one of the biggest tests they face. This post draws on the National Cancer Institute (NCI), the National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA), SAMHSA and published research on grief and substance use.
Why Grief and Substance Use Get Tangled Up
Grief hurts in a way that can feel physical, and there is some science behind that. In a well-known 2003 brain imaging study in Science, researchers found that being socially excluded activated the anterior cingulate cortex, a brain area also involved in physical pain, and that activity there rose with how distressed people felt. That study was about social rejection, not bereavement, but it helps explain why emotional loss can feel like real pain.
Substances can dull that pain for a while, which is exactly what makes them risky. Grief also tends to bring:
- Poor sleep, which makes everything harder to cope with
- Changes in appetite and energy
- Loneliness, especially after the first few weeks when people stop checking in
- Lost structure, if the person who died was part of your daily life
- Stress from funerals, paperwork, money and family conflict
NIDA’s guide Drugs, Brains, and Behavior says that “stress cues linked to the drug use (such as people, places, things, and moods), and contact with drugs are the most common triggers for relapse.” Grief can stack several of those cues on top of each other at once. Our post on how to stop cravings covers ways to handle urges when they hit.
What the Research Shows
The link between bereavement and alcohol is not the same for everyone. A national survey from Hungary of 4,457 adults looked at alcohol use in the first three years after a loss. Among men who had been bereaved for two years, 29.8% were at clinical risk for alcohol problems, compared with 12.9% of men who were not bereaved. Men bereaved for three years did not differ from non-bereaved men, and the researchers found no difference among women.
Grief can also be harder for people who already have a substance use disorder. A 2021 study of 196 bereaved people in addiction treatment notes that people with substance use disorders are more vulnerable to complicated grief symptoms after a loss. It found that complicated grief in this group was more linked to less helpful ways of coping, like social withdrawal, wishful thinking and self-criticism.
The takeaway is not that grief causes addiction. It is that loss is a time to pay closer attention, both to yourself and to people you love.
Grief doesn’t follow a schedule, and there’s no right way to do it. If you notice you’re reaching for a drink or a pill to get through the evenings, say that out loud to someone you trust. It doesn’t mean you’ve failed. It means you’re carrying a lot.
Donnita Smart, LCDC
Normal Grief and Prolonged Grief
Most grief, even very painful grief, is not a disorder. The NCI’s summary on grief, bereavement and coping with loss says normal or common grief “appears to occur in 50% to 85% of persons after they have experienced a loss.” It also says that most people “will, with time, adjust to the loss,” while others “will experience more severe grief reactions such as prolonged or complicated grief and will benefit from treatment.”
The NCI also notes there is “not a preestablished linear process” for grief. You do not move neatly through stages. In normal grief, it says, painful feelings “come in waves, lessen in intensity and frequency over time, and are often intermixed with positive memories of the deceased.”
Prolonged grief is different. The NCI explains that the ICD-11, an international diagnostic system, recognizes prolonged grief disorder when intense grief continues 6 months after the death. Under the DSM-5 criteria the NCI describes, a similar condition called persistent complex bereavement disorder uses 12 months for adults. Signs can include intense sorrow and emotional pain, deep yearning for the person and constant preoccupation with the loss, to the point that daily life is hard to manage.
Grief and depression can also overlap. If low mood is constant, you cannot feel any good moments, or you have stopped functioning, talk with a clinician. Our post on co-occurring mental health and substance use disorders explains why both need attention at the same time.
We’re here to make treatment as accessible and affordable as possible — and are in network with many insurance providers. Not sure about your coverage? We can help.
Signs Grief Is Affecting Substance Use
It can be hard to see this in yourself. Some signs to watch for, in you or someone close to you:
- Drinking or using to fall asleep, get through evenings or avoid thinking about the loss
- Using more than before, or more often
- Starting to use a substance you never used before the loss, including someone else’s leftover prescription
- Pulling away from friends, family, meetings or appointments
- Feeling irritable or angry most of the time. Our post on anger and addiction covers that connection.
- For people in recovery, thinking a lot about using, or telling yourself one time would be understandable
Older adults can face several losses close together, like a spouse, friends and their own health. Our post on addiction in older adults looks at the risks in that age group.
What Helps
There is no way to skip grief, but there are ways to keep it from pulling you toward substances.
- Tell people. Let your counselor, sponsor, support group or close friends know about the loss right away.
- Keep a basic routine. Regular sleep, meals and some movement give you something steady when everything else feels upside down. Our post on sleep and sobriety has practical tips.
- Keep going to meetings and appointments, even when you do not feel like talking.
- Get rid of leftover medications safely. If the person who died left opioids, sedatives or other medications, ask a pharmacist or a local take-back program how to dispose of them. Our post on prescription drug take back day explains more.
- Find ways to remember the person, like writing, visiting meaningful places or talking about them with people who knew them.
- Try mindfulness or other calming practices. Our post on mindfulness and addiction explains how to start.
Treatment for Grief and Substance Use
Grief that is stuck can be treated. In a randomized trial published in JAMA, 95 adults with complicated grief received either a therapy designed for complicated grief or a standard psychotherapy called interpersonal therapy. Both groups improved, but the response rate was higher with complicated grief treatment, 51% compared with 28%. The NCI summary also reviews other studied approaches, including forms of cognitive behavioral therapy for prolonged grief.
When grief and substance use are happening together, both deserve care. NIDA’s Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment says effective treatment addresses the person’s drug use and “any associated medical, psychological, social, vocational, and legal problems.” SAMHSA’s page on co-occurring disorders describes how mental health conditions and substance use disorders often happen together.
If you’re in recovery and you lose someone, tell your sponsor, counselor or group early, even before you’re ready to talk about the loss itself. You don’t have to explain everything. Just let people know, so they can show up for you.
Donnita Smart, LCDC
Supporting Someone Who Is Grieving
If you are worried about a grieving friend or family member, keep showing up after the funeral, when most people drift away. Offer practical help, like meals, rides or sitting with them on hard days such as birthdays and anniversaries. If you notice them drinking or using more, say what you have seen in a calm, caring way.
Here is one example: “I’ve noticed you’ve been drinking most nights since the funeral. I’m not judging you. I just miss you, and I want to help. Can we talk about it?”
Family members can use support too. Our post comparing Al-Anon and Nar-Anon explains two groups for people who love someone with a substance problem.
When to Reach Out for Help
Talk with a doctor, counselor or treatment provider soon if:
- You are drinking or using more since the loss, or using to get through each day
- You are in recovery and have started using again, or are thinking about it often
- Months have passed and grief still keeps you from working, sleeping or caring for yourself
- Low mood, anxiety or numbness is constant
- You have stopped going to meetings, therapy or appointments
If you or someone you know is in emotional crisis, call or text 988. For an overdose, severe withdrawal or another medical emergency, call 911. If someone has stopped breathing, cannot be woken or may have overdosed, call 911, give naloxone if available, and stay with the person until help arrives. Alcohol and sedative withdrawal can be dangerous, so if you have been drinking heavily or using sedatives regularly, do not stop suddenly without medical advice.
Talking With a Professional
Grief and substance use can feel like too much to sort out alone. A clinician can help you understand what is grief, what may be depression or another condition, and how substance use fits in. It helps to bring notes on the loss, how you have been sleeping and eating, and any drinking, drug use or medications. The admissions team at Discovery Point Retreat can explain what an assessment involves. Ask which services are currently available and which level of care might fit where you are now.
Frequently Asked Questions
Can grief cause addiction?
Grief alone does not cause addiction, but it can be a period of higher risk. Some people start drinking or using more to cope, and research has linked bereavement with more alcohol problems in some groups.
How long does grief last?
There is no set timeline. The NCI says normal grief comes in waves that lessen over time. When grief stays intense for many months and makes daily life very hard, it may be prolonged grief, which can be treated.
What is complicated or prolonged grief?
It is grief that stays intense and disabling well beyond what is typical, with deep longing for the person and preoccupation with the loss. The ICD-11 recognizes prolonged grief disorder when intense grief continues 6 months after a death.
I’m in recovery and just lost someone. What should I do first?
Tell your support people right away, keep your meetings and appointments, and ask a pharmacist how to safely dispose of any leftover medications from the person who died. Reach out to your counselor or treatment provider if cravings get stronger.
Is it normal to want to drink after a death?
It is a common urge, especially when you are exhausted and hurting. Noticing it and telling someone is a good step. If you are drinking more to cope, talk with a doctor or counselor. If you have been drinking heavily or regularly, do not stop suddenly without medical advice.
Can therapy help with grief?
Yes. Therapies designed for complicated grief have been tested in clinical trials, and a counselor can also help with the substance use, depression or anxiety that sometimes comes with loss.
References
- National Cancer Institute (NCI). Grief, Bereavement, and Coping With Loss (PDQ), Health Professional Version. Accessed October 2026. cancer.gov
- National Institute on Drug Abuse (NIDA). Drugs, Brains, and Behavior: The Science of Addiction. Treatment and Recovery. Accessed October 2026. nida.nih.gov
- NIDA. Principles of Drug Addiction Treatment: A Research-Based Guide, Third Edition. Accessed October 2026. nida.nih.gov
- Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA). Co-Occurring Disorders and Other Health Conditions. Accessed October 2026. samhsa.gov
- Eisenberger NI, Lieberman MD, Williams KD. Does rejection hurt? An fMRI study of social exclusion. Science. 2003. PubMed. Accessed October 2026. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Pilling J, Thege BK, Demetrovics Z, Kopp MS. Alcohol use in the first three years of bereavement: a national representative survey. Substance Abuse Treatment, Prevention, and Policy. 2012. PubMed. Accessed October 2026. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Caparrós B, Masferrer L. Coping Strategies and Complicated Grief in a Substance Use Disorder Sample. Frontiers in Psychology. 2021. PubMed Central. Accessed October 2026. pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- Shear K, Frank E, Houck PR, Reynolds CF. Treatment of complicated grief: a randomized controlled trial. JAMA. 2005. PubMed. Accessed October 2026. pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov
- SAMHSA. National Helpline. Accessed October 2026. samhsa.gov
Related Reading
- Intensive Outpatient Programs
- Co-Occurring Mental Health and Substance Use Disorders
- Anger and Addiction
- How to Stop Cravings
- Addiction in Older Adults
Resources
- 988 Lifeline. Call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. Free, confidential support 24/7.
- SAMHSA National Helpline. Call 1-800-662-HELP (4357) or visit the SAMHSA National Helpline page for free, confidential referrals to local treatment.
- 911. For any medical emergency, including a suspected overdose or severe withdrawal, call 911 immediately. If naloxone is available for a suspected opioid overdose, give it and stay with the person until help arrives.
This article is general education and is not medical advice.
If you or someone you love is ready to talk, call Discovery Point Retreat at (855) 245-7133 to speak with our admissions team.
